Shattered

One time my daughter broke a plate and was upset because she thought I would be mad. I told her I wasn't mad and it was just a plate. I think in her mind it was a wedding gift plate which held more significance. So what I should have told her is that it was just a plate and that everything in our home was replaceable...except her.

I've had other opportunities to say the right thing to her. Sometimes I succeeded. Other times I didn't. But the opportunities continue to be presented to me and some people aren't that fortunate. So I remind myself to keep trying. I often reflect back on raising my daughter and, of course, always remember the times I messed up first. Maybe I messed up more than not. There are obviously things I did right because she's the most amazing human you'll encounter in this world. Much like her Nana. And some of that is a product of me being a good parent, showing up and saying the right things.

This morning my mind is consumed by thoughts of shattered hearts. The people who didn't get another chance to say what they wanted to people that were important to them. We are all those people and know this heartache well. I know we can't go back and change that but it doesn't stop hearts from hurting. Regret is part of all of our lives and often life altering. I walk into the world each day smiling as though my heart is light and I live a life of no regrets. That's not realistic, though. Putting on a brave face isn't for my sake but for yours. Most people don't want to hear the bad stuff. Fuck, most days I don't want to hear it. We all know it's there. Do we really have to talk about it? Are we supposed to talk about it? Does it even matter if we talk about it? What will it change? Maybe nothing. I'm the person with a million questions who's not always brave enough to ask even one of them. The awkward friend who thinks if I make you laugh that will make everything seem ok. I'm also the friend that will listen whole heartedly if you talk about the bad shit. I do want to hear it and allow you to lighten the burden on your heart. Just know that once you open up I become brave enough to start asking the questions and will try to solve the problems you're facing. My sister and I used to sit on our deck in the mornings and have coffee together. We'd talk about anything and everything. We always said "lets go sit on the deck and solve the problems of the world". Yesterday she called me; she said she needed to talk but could I please just listen and not try to solve anything. I can be that person, if asked. ;-) It's funny because I constantly say that to my husband. When I lay out the problems weighing on my mind his first reaction is to find a solution when sometimes I just need to hear the words I'm saying out loud. I love him for it, as my sister loves me for the same reason, but sometimes all we need is a sounding board. The words coming out of our mouths bouncing off someone as we speak them so that we hear them and find new perspective. I guess what I'm trying to say is yes, I think we do need to talk about it. I think it matters. And I think whether or not it changes anything it gives us solace. We could all use a little of that.

Today I'm truly the spirit of my blog - ramblings of a fisherman's wife! Writing out my thoughts is much like speaking them out loud to someone. It helps me hear what's really going on in my mind. And today that is the cliché "life is short, hug the ones you love". There will be missed opportunities. There will be regrets. There will be bad stuff. Your time with loved ones will sometimes be cut short. So seize the day! Because there also will be second chances, opportunities taken, memories made, bravery, good stuff and an entire lifetime with loved ones. Hug those loved ones today like you really mean it! They may need it more than you'll ever know and feel a little less shattered.