Forgive Me

Yesterday I wrote a letter to myself. I forgave myself for things in my past that are no longer serving a purpose in my life and are possibly holding me back from my constant journey of moving forward. I was empathetic and understanding. I told myself that the past is part of who I am but gave myself permission to let it go, even if it's incomplete. I reminded myself that every day is a new opportunity for growth but when I allow myself to get caught up on the things I can no longer change it stunts that growth. I was honest and raw. I let my emotions flow and didn't hold back. I wasn't ashamed of the words on the paper, I felt empowered that my history is thick with experiences. I muddled through the thoughts that haunt me at night. I dug deep and unearthed all the flaws that helped form me into who I am today. I reflected unbiasedly on an imperfect life. My life.

I'm not sure what I'll do with the letter. For now I'm going to keep it handy in case I need reminding when I'm stuck in a rut. I think I'll probably want to read it a few more times. Maybe I'll even add to it. It will be interesting to see what emotions come up each time I get through it. Hopefully it will be uplifting but if it isn't I will embrace those feelings as well. Eventually I will tuck it safely into one of my journals for someone else to find someday. Maybe it will speak to them or encourage them to write their own.

It's never easy to talk kindly to ourselves. I can't be the only one who is hard on myself more than I am accepting of myself. We're always our own worst critics. Am I right? So this letter was important to me; for me. As critical as I am I need to remember that just being myself is enough. In case anyone else needs to hear this - YOU ARE ENOUGH. I know it's hard to hear. I struggle with it too. Every day. There's so much comparison, judgement, criticism, failure, disappointment. Sometimes it starts from the first morning glimpse of myself in the mirror. Other times it's what keeps me up at night. And then at times it just randomly slaps me in the face unexpectedly. Every now and then I make it through a day without beating myself up, though. I wish I knew the magic potion that gives me that wonderful day off because I would drink the shit out of it. I would selfishly lift myself up every single day and bask in the glory of it.

I am lucky enough to have positive people in my life that I lean on when I need reinforcement and this letter embodied their energy. One girlfriend in particular who is a constant in my life. There's not a day that goes by that we don't talk. And I mean honestly talk. We tell each other when we're successful and also when we fall off track. We spill it all without judgement. Without hesitation. We hold nothing back. We don't edit our messages to each other. Just real conversations between real people trying to make it through another day. Our journeys almost always parallel each other which makes for a lot of laughing but also understanding of how perfectly imperfect we are. Twins for life. Soul sisters. This girl shows up for me every day whether I want her to or not. ;-) Literally, if she hasn't heard from me by noon she's calling, texting, FB messaging me to find out what the hell is going on that would prevent me from sending her a message only she can decipher because of our friend, autocorrect. She's very special to me and honestly, she is often the magic potion that sprinkles positive energy on my life like glitter and gives my inner critic the day off. I hope everyone has a friend like this in their life!

The message I want to get across today, if you're still reading this, is that you're loved just the way you are. None of us are perfect. We've all made mistakes. We all have a past. Each of us also have the most amazing opportunity each morning that we wake up, a new day to live our life to the fullest. And the best part? If it doesn't work out the way we wanted, tomorrow is another chance! How fantastic is that?! I highly recommend writing a letter to yourself. If you need to apologive or forgive, write it down. If you want to celebrate your successes, write that down. Talk to yourself. Be gentle and kind. Loving. Accepting. And most importantly, empathetic. Let your words come out like you are talking to the most important person in your life. Because at the end of the day, that's you.