Overthinking Thursday

A lot on my mind this morning. That's the best part of self discovery, the waves of thoughts that come in and out of my mind. I used to call it anxiety - the feeling of so much going on in my mind I couldn't cope or breathe. Luckily for me I met a healer who helps me remove that label from my life. It's very freeing to not label things and just take them as they come. Does the word still sneak into my vocabulary every once in awhile? Absolutely! I've been labeled with "anxiety" and "depression" most of my life so it doesn't just go away. Now it just becomes a tool for me to stop what I'm doing and deconstruct the thoughts to get to the core of what's going on in that moment. So this morning, waking up with a heavy heart, gives me the opportunity to have compassion for myself and let myself feel this way without guilt. I feel sad and confused. Questioning things going on in the world around me. Deciding how I'm going to let those things affect my life, or not affect my life. I feel like crying which is a strange mix of emotions for me. Sometimes I question why I don't cry enough. Other times I feel like it's not ok to cry because that makes me weak. And sometimes I just let myself cry. This morning I'm struggling with the thought of there is no good reason for me to cry. Nothing is wrong in this current moment. It's frustrating to say the least! Yesterday I did cry. I spoke to my healer and shed some tears. It's ok to do it there because it's a safe space. So today I will work on giving myself safety to cry as needed. We'll see how it goes!

I used to write all these things down in a private journal. I do still journal. But I wanted to also have the freedom to write my thoughts down in a place where others could read it. It's a little scary, but isn't everything we do? If we aren't scared sometimes are we really living? Maybe other people have the same feelings I do. Maybe people are curious how other people (me) in the world feel. Maybe it will be a source of entertainment for someone. Or maybe no one will read it. All of these scenarios are fine with me. I've always wanted to write and this is a great outlet for me to do so.

That's it for today. I'm off to find safety. Thanks for stopping by.